Settling in...

Every time I speak to someone on the phone, I always tell them that I'm finally settling in and getting used to it here. The truth is, the first few days were pretty difficult, and though every time I say that I'm starting to get it I mean it, the fact that it seems even more true the next day, says I'm probably not there yet. However, I think I'm now approaching that turning point.

The first days saw me traveling hundreds of kilometers from Dar to Bulongwa, staying a night or two here and there. In Njombe, I toured around local villages with the NGO, Chakunimu, feeling more like a flag than anything else. Being the only white person (or Mzungu) around, and a foot taller than everyone I've met, makes me stand out like crazy, and no one lets you forget that. People stare, try to swindle you into buying some dollar store item, beg you for money, kids yell "Mzungu! Mzungu!" and more than once I've been asked to help someone get a passport, referred to as "my friend" before launching their request. I have found this very difficult for two reasons. One, I'm just trying to do my thing and, unsure of local mannerisms, not to stand out too much. Two, it really bothers me that I'm looked to with envy, or hope that I can 'save them' from their situation. I've always thought of equality as the most important principle, and to find I'm considered almost superior here is quite disconcerting. It's as if our ideas of tolerance and respecting diversity haven't reached here, and what's left is an acquired sense of self-depracation (for example, Tanzania is not called a developing country here, they call it Third World.). I think, though it's easy to say now, I would find rage or resentment towards me a less frustrating response.

Once in Bulongwa, laying my bag to rest so to speak, I was much more at ease. Having something to work towards was great for me. But soon enough, I found that my job was going too well, a lot of my responsibilities moving forward quickly, leaving me with not much to occupy myself. So, I was getting a little bored, and also a little frustrated that aside from my project, nothing was really getting done in the office. Obviously, I started to take initiative and to try to get people on track and figure out what projects they should be working on. Then, someone told me that many cultures differ from Canada's in that they're not as goal oriented, and progress works on mutual consent, with directorship usually scorned. Shit, now I really didn't know what to do.

Things are going up again now, though. I think I'm now understanding how they work here, and with a few helpful hints from my Canadian connection, I know which projects should take precendence. I also feel like I understand how to get them going. I'm not sure if they work on unanimous consent, but more on lengthy discussion before doing exactly what you wanted to do before! Every party has to feel consulted, but the outcome is almost not debated. I'm also starting to get to know the people I'm working with, and to become friends with them - particularly the clinical officer, Juma, who also lives at Lupasso, and my translator, Izack, who's amazingly friendly and outgoing.

Another thing that has really helped has been trying to learn the language. Not only has it given me something to work on (being the goal-driven westerner I am), but people are so appreciative of the effort, and I'm even beginning to connect with the rest of the staff who speak English as well as I speak Swahili - our broken conversations are absolutely hilarious!
eg. "I you want to rice?"
"Yes, satisfied tea morning thank you, afternoon, see you."
(translation: "Would you like to have lunch with me now?" "No thank you, I'm still full from breakfast. I'll eat later.")

Kapuscinski, a Polish journalist, writes of his first trip to India:
"Language struck me at that moment as something material, something with a physical dimension, a wall rising up in the middle of the road and preventing my going further, closing off the world, making it unattainable. [...] Cast into deep water, i didn't want to drown. I realized that only language could save me."

A little melodramatic, but he's got a point. You can only get so far without being able to communicate, and I think traveling in English in a Swahili country distorts your perception. It could be that what I took for reverence of western culture might actually just be the structure of the English people have been taught.